In a slump

I am in a slump. Don’t know how or when I fell into it. During the intern I was very much longing to come back to Insti. The work there seemed so painful that I wanted to run away from the place. I felt that mugging was much better than any thing else. I had nothing interesting to do but read about maintenance and quiz people. But finally the report turned an eye opener and I felt happy at my work. Good results with least effort. I came back home determined to get back to the Insti and work well to get placed. I had already decided that I will go for placements and not APP or CAT. I thought that I could do some good work in my BTP and learn more from the Insti.

But what did I realise after coming here? I realised that I lost all enthusiasm in life. Don’t know why! Exams aren’t making me nervous anymore. Nor is the urge to study as strong as before. During the first two weeks, I didn’t realise this. It was a common thing. Nothing really happens during the first two, three weeks in the Insti. Life will be peaceful with nothing to do but meeting friends, discussing interns, and gathering books from Cenlib. So I got to know about the slump after the first month. Quizzes started last week, and even a week before the quizzes, I had no inclination to study. I tried hard for that feeling of panic that drives me to mug each time. No, no sign of panic, instead I was playing cricket in the quadrangle two days before the exam, without as much knowing the syllabus. May be this is what they call 4^th year blues.

Also, my enthusiasm to work left me. Do you want a proof? Take a look at my dust ridden bicycle waiting a cleaning or the cobwebs dangling in my room. I wake up late everyday, don’t even sweep my room and go around as if everything is fine. Many a time I said to myself [mostly during some class] that I will change, go and clean up everything and live normally. But once I come back to the room the only thing I do is to switch on the computer and sit before it for hours, doing nothing literally. Anyway, I don’t think flash games and movies are a good way of spending time.

There were days when I was there at book bank by 2o clock, waiting for it to open at 4 pm. In fact there would be many of my friends, waiting for two long hours before they could get one book issued. I did that in first year, second year and God knows how, in third year too. Of course, I went there at 3:30 pm in the third year. This year nothing drove me to book bank so early. Went there casually at 4:30, saw around and picked up two books, one for me and the other for a friend. I didn’t even care to see when they issued the second one. Only after Sriram told me that he took second book weeks ago, did I go there again.

I remember that distinct feeling of panic that struck me each time, a week before the quizzes. Till then I would have read a few pages from each course and would have an idea of where the course starts. But the week before the exams, I would start reading each subject, making notes and memorising important concepts. This semester no such thing happened. In fact I think I was promoted from the test team to the one day team. I started one day matches, mugging a day before the exam. [Don’t exactly know if it’s a promotion or a demotion moving from tests to one day. Cricket pundits out there should tell me which is better, test or one day.]

The courses are less this semester. Not many classes, but more of self study courses and projects. Had there been classes for every course, I might have realised the gravity of the situation. But when everything is left to my discretion, I am the laziest guy.

The exams also failed to evoke any enthusiasm. Three exams over till date, three one days and I am satisfied with my performance. I know I haven’t done very well in the exams, but there is nothing that is ringing bells, asking me to read, I am to continue the same old story, movies and games. God save me from this lethargy.

With classes on and off, one at 9 am and the next at 11am , I started visiting one place where the coffee is as good as that in Hotchips- Tiffanys. The coffee here is great and especially between classes and with friends, it tastes better. Long walks and hours and hours of chat sessions with friends are taking priority over other things. Yes they have to; for this is one last year we live together before we part.