Sunday, January 15, 2006

My Ramaiah days-5(The kick-back)

I rolled in bed uneasily.All the while I was aware that,I was chanting "amma,amma" in pain.I looked up at the watch.2:45am,it said.This was the fourth day of my fever.I didn't know why or how I caught it,but it felt horrible.

It all started like this.Three days ago,after class I started walking back to the bus-stand.I felt frail and weak.I could not walk.Hardly had I carried myself to the bus-stand,I almost felt like collapsing.I rang up home,and told uncle of the situation.He asked me to take an auto back home.It took 45minutes, and as soon as I came,I fell flat on the bed.Since then,I was hardly able to get up.

I was delirious at times,thinking of my mother and all that she would do in that situation.I couldn't sleep at night,and was literally down.I sincerely hoped that my uncle would send me home,once and for good.The doctor was a family friend of ours,and came to see me.I thought ,he would tell them that I was home sick,but alas he didn't.And all my hopes proved futile.

After a week,my father came to see me.I burst out into tears on seeing him.He tried consoling and cazoling me.But nothing would stop me.I urged,begged and pleaded with him to take me back home.He stayed there for three days and left with out me. After a day or so,I had to go back to the institute.

While we were first seated in the class,I was in the third row.And it would be imprudent for me to explain that these seating orders were based on one's performance in the exam.All of us understood this without being told.I felt a bit confident and at the same time horrified to be there.Now,it is also to be understood without any mention that if one is absent from the class for more then two days without informing the reason,he/she is bound to be kicked back to the last row in the class,to the chair that is farthest away from the teacher.

So,I came back to find that I was kicked-back to the last row.It was a centre seat, directly opposite to the teacher.It became my permanent seat for the rest of my life there.The number of students before me,all attentive and concentrating made me feel dumb.

In my school,seating was based on height.And me being one of the shortest boys in the class, was unmistakably in the first bench.I felt bad at times to be short.I wanted to be somewhere behind,so that I could talk to friends during classes.Day after day, my friends would be narrating there back bench adventures.All the goose-berries they ate, the pen-games they played,home works they copied during class hours.I felt a strong sense of wanting, to be there.But I really grew up slowly,and was always the second or third boy from the first.So, I didn't have the chance to be there.

I knew that such wasn't the situation here,and a back bencher meant some one hopeless to be trained.Teacher here never really cared for them, and they would be the first ones to be punished in case of a mishap.I felt something choking my mouth to speak,and something barring me from raising any questions or doubts.I felt that I wasn't entitled to any attention,and that I was supposed to suffer.It intimidated me.

Thus started the greatest change in my life.
"Life from a back bencher's perspective"

1 comment:

iam_what_u_want_me_to_be said...

Dear Vallabha

What did u mean by "I "really" grew up and was always 2nd or 3rd in my class"! Think about it. How would your blogs had been had u performed well at ramiah ? By ur own admittance u felt "confident" being made to sit in the front benches . So don't u think that ur angst is more due to urself and less due to how u have been treated?